


Vision, King of Asgard

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Out of Character, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 11:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8400739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: Written in response to this kinkmeme request  http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/21013.html?thread=54083093#t54083093:  "I think there was a prompt many rounds ago of Steve studying to become the ruler because he could lift the hammer. What if there was no preparation. Soon after Any lifts the hammer, they're plunked into the middle of ruling an alien realm."It's completely crack and nonsense.





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Vision, what do you make of that hammer?" said Tony, looking at the hammer that refused to be moved from its current position by anything. They had been called out to see if it was any danger to Earth or just one of those odd things that kept happening nowadays. 

Vision analyzed the hammer from a distance before wrapping his hand around the handle only to find himself instantly transported in a rainbow light to the middle of a castle's throne room.

"All hail our new king!" said the crowd.

"And who might that be?" said Vision. Am I on the set of Games of Thrones, he thought.

"It's you, Sir . . ." said a regal lady. "I am Frigga, Queen of this realm. My husband is currently in a deep sleep and unable to fulfill his duties. The heir is currently on Earth, learning to be worthy and my other son . . . is currently in jail."

"My name is Vision," said Vision. "I did not ask to be made King. I don't even know what planet I am on."

"You're on the planet of Asgard and by picking up the hammer, you have proven your true worth."

"So, this selects your planet's ruler?"

"Only one worthy can pick up the hammer and rule."

"I do not know anything about this place. Also, I must send word back to my friends about my current location."

"I hope you do not find this next question rude but I do not recognize your . . . lineage."

"I am an android."

This created some rumbling among the crowd.

A woman with long dark hair and a few hearty men stepped forward. "I protest. Thor should be king. He is the rightful heir."

"I do not mean to take his place," said Vision. "If he is indeed the proper ruler, I am sure he will prove himself worthy quickly and I will have no problem standing aside for him."

"This is a good sign," said Frigga. "He is willing to give up power to do what is best for the realm. To help with becoming a ruler, I would like to arrange for you to have a consort."

"That won't be necessary. I . . . already have my heart set on another."

"You are married?"

"No . . ."

"Engaged?"

"I have yet to ask her out. I am still doing research when it comes to the right restaurant."

The crowd began side-eyeing the hammer.

***  
"So, you are the new king?" said a man with unusual eyes and golden two-pronged helmet.

"I suppose I am. Heimdall?"

"That is my name."

"I was told to go to you if I needed to go back to Earth. They're planning on holding a coronation feast and I have a few people I would like to invite. I'd invite more but it's on such short notice."

"I understand," said Heimdall. "I wish you well."

"I know that many doubt the choice of the hammer but I promise to do my best. Have you not tried to lift it?"

"I have tried," said Heimdall. "It did not move."

***

"You're the king of a planet and you're asking me to go to your coronation dinner as your special guest?" said Wanda as she stared at Vision.

"I have not lost my mind. I can easily prove my words by taking your there once I find Tony."

"Why did you pick me?"

"They wanted to pick an Asgardian consort for me but I said that my heart was set on another. I'm not proposing but I wanted people to see who I would turn down an Asgardian noble woman for. Ah, no pressure."

Wanda turns a really bright pink. "Of course, I'll go."

"If it's too much, I was considering this Japanese-Scandinavian fusion restaurant for our first date . . ."

"I said I'm going."

*** 

Tony was dressed in a tuxedo while Wanda was dressed in a floor-length gown. "We seem not to have dressed for the occasion," he said. "It looks very much like a Renaissance Faire."

"They only gave me a few hours' notice," Vision said.

"Wow," said Wanda. "Look at how big their beer mugs are."

"Come, it is time to feast!" said Heimdall. 

Vision was terribly happy to have found someone who, if not enthusiastic about his kingship, was at least kind and friendly. Vision sat down. "I have to make a confession. As I am a robot, I can sample food and take small amounts of liquid but I can't really feast."

There was a mixture of grumbling and sad noises at his table. He had never wished he could eat large amounts more than at this moment. 

"This, however, is not the case for either me or Wanda," said Tony. "Everything smells great!" 

Tony tucked in with great relish, thus winning over some of the people at the table. Wanda took a sip of the beer. 

"I must warn you that Asgardian beer tends to be on the strong side," said Sif. 

"I'll be fine."

An hour later, Tony was dancing and singing on top of the table while Vision cringed in embarrassment and Wanda ended up with her head on the table after a full stomach and two glasses of delicious, highly alcoholic Asgardian beer.

Vision turned to Sif. "I know I'm not your first choice for king but could you please show me the way to our rooms. I would like to have Wanda sleep on something softer than this wood table."

As Vision gave Wanda a piggyback ride, he and Sif ended up talking. "You really will step aside if Thor comes back," says Sif.

Vision had picked up quite a bit of knowledge from eavesdropping on many of the conversations in the dining hall. "Yes, I will. I know that many here love Thor very much. I have no appetite to be considered an usurper. I must ask why his brother is in jail."

Sif sighed. "Loki is in jail for trying to assassinate Thor."

"Oh, dear."

"Multiple times."

"Frightening."

"You're safe," said Sif. "The prison cell was made with him in mind."

"No wonder Frigga seems so sad."

"It is truly terrible timing for Odin to go into his current cycle of sleep. It's very much like a coma where he's powerless and non-responsive. Nobody knows when he will wake up though hopefully we are talking a matter of weeks or a few months."

"Perhaps we should try to cheer her up."

"That would be nice." Sift opens a door. "This is your room and it's connected to your friends' rooms."

"Thank you. Oh, one more thing. Does Asgard have a hangover cure? I believe my friends will be in major need of one tomorrow."

Sif laughed. 

***  
Sif, Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg were having an early private breakfast in her dining room. "Have you changed your mind about Thor being the rightful heir?" said Volstagg.

"Of course not. Vision seems harmless enough and I'd rather be able to keep an eye on him and his friends while he's on Asgard. If I have to bite my tongue to do so, then I will," said Sif. 

"I think a good strategy is insisting he learn about our people and culture. That will take a lot of time," said Fandral.

"We can start tomorrow by showing him the planet and then having him learn all the things Thor had to learn. There is hand to hand combat, swordplay, our long history and our various drinking songs." 

***

"That was fun," said Tony after he had drunk a cup of Asgard's hangover cure. "I'd love to sell this on Earth. Vision, sell me the rights."

"No, Tony," said Vision. "I'll leave that to the next king of Asgard to decide. Did you know that I found you asleep on top of the table and I had to carry you back to your room?"

"No, I didn't."

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," said Vision. "The door is unlocked."

Sif walked in. "I've been asked to show you Asgard. We will get on the ship and you will get a guided tour."

As the ship soared into the sky, Wanda and Tony oohed and aahhhed at the scenery. Vision began humming a song.

"What's that you're humming?" said Wanda.

"You don't know it?"

"No," said Wanda.

Vision began singing, "I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid . . ."

"It's 'A Whole New World' from Aladdin," said Tony.

Vision continued to sing, "Tell me, Princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?"

Wanda blushed while Sif pouted slightly at not having a boyfriend that would unabashedly serenade her in tune like that. The Warriors Three chuckled but also enjoyed Vision's singing.

Everybody clapped when Vision finished his song. Vision felt rather embarrassed. "I didn't mean to sing. I don't know what came over me."

"I can't wait until you sing a drinking song," said Fandral.

***

Meanwhile in a prison cell not so far away, there was a certain pouting prince named Loki.


	2. Chapter 2

He looked at the guard standing outside his cell. "You are telling me that the current king of Asgard is a robot."

"Yes."

"The hammer chose a robot instead of me."

"Yes."

Loki began trashing his cell. "I will not accept this!" he screamed.

"Ha, ha, too bad, you're stuck in there."

"You're going to let me out."

"Why would I? You don't have any money to bribe me! Your mother froze all your accounts."

"I can magic your penis into being three inches longer."

"Ok, I'm listening."

***  
"You want me to wrestle," said Vision, sounding rather doubtful. "What are the rules?" He's in the private royal gymnasium with Tony and Wanda sitting nearby, watching.

"You can't punch but you can kick, slap and trip your opponent. Whoever is knocked off their feet loses," said Volstagg. He was wearing a sturdy pair of shorts but he was otherwise unclothed and barefoot. 

"So . . . something like this." Vision lifted Volstagg up by the shorts and holds him above his head.

"I think you've mastered it," said Volstagg, after flailing in the air for a minute. "You can put me down now."

Vision puts him down. "You said I should try swordplay next?"

"Have you ever used a sword before?" said Hogun.

"No."

"Sif is very good with the sword. Why don't you let her teach you?"

"I don't want to hurt anybody. I am not worried for myself as my body is resistant to physical attacks."

"I'm sure she can protect herself. She is a great warrior in her own right," said Fandrell.

Sif gave Vision a smile and said, "We won't be using sharp metal swords. During practice, we use wooden swords. They can still cause a bruise but nothing more than that. However, we won't be fighting this time. One must get used to the feel of using the weapon."

"Good," said Vision. 

Sif picked up a wooden sword with a grip that was meant only for one hand. "You seem to be quite strong but you should train your forearms to be able to thrust and pull back the sword. Non-swordsmen need practice. I believe in developing muscle memory."

After several minutes, she then said, "Now trying to angle your attacks."

Vision held up his sword without showing strain and mirrored her actions. 

"Remember that what really counts in fighting is not flashy movies like raising your sword over your head. That just leaves your chest and the under part of your arm vulnerable to attack. You keep it in front of you. A sword is not to be used as a hammer. If you want to deliver a pounding on your opponent, use your shield."

"I understand."

Tony looked over at Wanda. "What's wrong, honey bunny?"

"Something about her makes me suspicious. She's the one who was the most vocal about not wanting him as king and now she's training him in swordsmanship?"

"Heh, you go out on one fabulous date and you're already manifesting the green-eyed monster."

"Am not!"

"Even if you're right that she has ulterior motives, I'm sure Vision can take care of himself."

"Hmph," said Wanda. "I'll be keeping an eye on this. He's too sweet for his own good."

"It's good that you totally have his back then."

***

Frigga decided to have a private dinner with Vision and his friends. The food served is quite hearty but not quite as rich as the coronation fare like loaves of wheat bread and beef barley vegetable stew. Instead of large tankards of beer, there are reasonably sized glasses of wine. "How has your time on Asgard been?"

"I've enjoyed my time here immensely. Though . . . I can't say everybody is happy that I'm here," said Vision.

Frigga sighed. "It was a most unusual choice."

"Perhaps Asgard should be a democracy?"

"A what?" said Frigga.

Wanda kicked Vision's calf under the table. Stop, she thought.

Tony bit his lip to keep from cackling.

"It is a system of government where the citizens vote for their ruler, who serves a term in office and then runs for re-election."

Frigga frowned. "I have heard of such things. Unfortunately, I have also heard that men not much better than baboons have become ruler. No, it's better to leave it to magic. Are you not hungry?"

"I don't really have much of a stomach."

"I'm sorry. I forgot."


	3. Chapter 3

Loki created an illusion of himself to stay in the cell before he escaped while the prison guard took a really long bathroom break in order to have plausible deniability. He used a spell to appear a commoner so he could spy on his rival to the throne. 

He observed Vision watching other people eat and drink. He watched Vision learn sword fighting from Sif and then go shopping with Tony and Wanda, getting them more appropriate clothes. He was very miffed that while quite a few people openly talked about preferring that Thor come back and be king instead of Vision, who seemed nice enough but couldn't really share a beer with them, nobody wanted Loki to come back. No matter, he thought, I'll kill him any way. 

Knowing that Vision could not be easily killed by a regular dagger or a projectile weapon but not knowing if he was susceptible to magic, he decided to use a hand weapon that discharged large amounts of electrical current, much like a taser but stronger. That should damage him, thought Loki. Unfortunately, it required getting close to him. He thought briefly who he should pretend to be. I'll pretend to be that little girlfriend he's so fond of, he thought. I'd like to see him die thinking she was the one who killed him.

He waited for Wanda and Tony to go to the dining hall. Vision had decided to stay in his room and begin downloading the basics of Asgardian law as well as listen to recordings of various drinking songs so he could at least sing along with his new subjects. 

Using a spell to now look like Wanda, Loki walked into the room. "Hello, your Highness."

"Don't be silly, Wanda," said Vision who turned off the music. "There are no titles between us. I thought you were going to eat with Tony."

Loki smiled as he walked ever closer to Vision. "I'd rather stay right here with you. You were listening to some drinking songs."

"Yes, I have completely memorized the lyrics. It's the heart and feeling I'm not quite grasping . . ." said Vision. "As Tony enjoys saying, I am forever the designated driver."

Loki pulled the weapon from his back pocket and was about to taser Vision when he was slammed against the wall. The impact of the blow caused him to lose his grasp on his illusion. He glanced at the door only to see the real Wanda, angry and with red power buzzing around her hand.

"How dare you impersonate me in order to get into Vision's pants?" yelled Wanda. 

"I wasn't trying to get into his pants. I was trying to kill him!" yelled Loki. 

***

Vision is astonished to see a dark-haired thin man with sharp features snarling at Wanda. "What is going on?"

"I am Loki, prince of Asgard. I'm supposed to be King!"

"How dare you try to assassinate my boyfriend!" yelled Wanda.

Vision thought, Wanda said boyfriend!

Wanda threw a red hot energy ball at Loki. Loki countered with a ball of cold energy at her. The energy bursts met in the middle and blew out the outward facing wall of their room and destroyed the furniture.

This will affect the budget, thought Vision.

"You bitch!" snarled Loki.

"You can't call her that!" said Vision and he threw Mjolnir at him. 

The hammer hit Loki then seemed to accelerate as it flew off with him into the sky. "Hmm," said Vision. "If it keeps accelerating, it's going to reach escape velocity and go straight towards the sun."

After a few seconds, they heard a dull roar as it has already gone beyond the speed of sound and caused a sonic boom. 

Vision turned to Wanda. "Why did you return to this room?"

"Tony wanted to play cards but he forgot his money purse here. I also wanted you to take a break from studying so damn hard to be king." 

Frigga ran into the room. "What did you throw Mjolnir at?"

"At someone named Loki," said Vision. 

"You must make Mjolnir come back."

"Of course, it would be a shame to lose such an amazing weapon."

"I mean, along with Loki."

"He impersonated Wanda and called her a very bad word and tried to assassinate me," said Vision. "And according to your own laws, attempted regicide is punishable by death."

"I know," sighed Frigga. "However, he is my son."

There was loud cheering heard coming from outside the castle. "The people seem to approve."

"I know."

"You said he was in jail. It's obvious he escaped."

"I know all this yet I can't let him die. Also, the law states that the demand for execution can be commuted to life in prison by a person of equivalent rank, which is me."

Vision sighed then said, "If I do return him, what will you do then?"

"I'm going to strip him of his powers and send him to Earth. His brother Thor will keep an eye on him."

"Why must you punish my planet?" said Wanda.

"Without powers, he's very liable to be the one who gets punished. I'm hoping that having Loki around will make Thor decide to come home earlier. It's been quite a while."

"Why can't Loki be stripped of his powers and stay here?"

"The crowd cheering outside . . . That's basically most of Asgard."

"Oh . . ."

"Hey, is everybody OK?"

They all turned to see Tony at the door. Sif and her friends appeared a few seconds later.

Vision said, "We're all fine. Loki tried to kill me so I sent him flying but he will be flying back soon."

There was a big thump outside as Mjolnir and Loki landed behind the castle. Loki was flailing about as the hammer was on his chest and he couldn't get up.

Vision and the rest walked up to him. Vision said, "As King and upon recommendation of your mother, you will be stripped of your powers and exiled to Earth in the care and guardianship of your brother."

Frigga put her hand on Loki's forehead. "It's going to hurt a little."

"Mother, why are you doing this?" said Loki.

"Because it needs to be done."

***

There were no other attempts on Vision's life as the people of Asgard seemed OK with their temporary head of state. With Sif and the Warriors Three openly supporting Vision, people became more amenable to him being on the throne. Tony went back to Earth but visited from time to time. Vision's rendition of various songs not only from Asgard but also from Earth gained him some fans and made drinking and feasting more pleasant for everybody involved. Also, Frigga did a lot of the behind-the-scenes administration along with a large bureaucracy that made sure everything ran smoothly. Wanda also made it known that talking trash about her guy would result in a magic duel that would end poorly for her opponent. 

Meanwhile . . .

***

After seeing the empty ice cream carton in the sink in their shared apartment, Thor yelled, "Loki, did you eat all my pistachio ice cream?"

"No."

"Loki! Where's my leftover Chinese food?" 

"Oh, I threw it away because it smelled funny."

I really need to talk to mother about him living here with me, Thor thought. He sighed. This is probably the end of my surfing vacation.

The End


End file.
